True Soul Work

Category: ATTRACTION & ENERGY ALIGNMENT

  • How to Be in a 10/10 Relationship With Yourself

    We talk a lot about success.
    The 10/10 job. The 10/10 body. The 10/10 vacation. …

    We talk a lot about relationships—with partners, friends, colleagues, family. But there’s one relationship that shapes all the others, often overlooked: the one you have with yourself.

    When you think about being in a “10/10 relationship” with yourself, it’s not about being flawless or endlessly productive. It’s about building trust, respect, and love with the person you spend every moment of your life with—you.

    Here’s how to start.

    1. Speak Kindly to Yourself

    Imagine being in a relationship where your partner criticized you all day, every day. You wouldn’t call that 10/10. The same goes for your inner dialogue.

    • Notice your self-talk.
    • Interrupt harsh judgments with gentleness.
    • Replace “I’m so bad at this” with “I’m still learning.”

    Kindness builds safety—and you deserve to feel safe with yourself.

    2. Keep Promises to Yourself

    Trust is the foundation of every great relationship. One way to build it with yourself is to follow through on your own commitments.

    That doesn’t mean you have to do everything—but if you say you’ll rest, rest. If you say you’ll stretch for 5 minutes, do it.

    Each small kept promise tells your inner self: “I can rely on me.”

    3. Know Your Needs & Meet Them

    A 10/10 partner doesn’t ignore your needs—they honor them. Do the same for yourself.

    • Hungry? Eat nourishing food.
    • Overstimulated? Step away from the screen.
    • Lonely? Call a friend. Help an animal.
    • Drained? Take a nap without guilt. Drink more water.

    Self-respect comes from listening and responding to what your body, mind, and heart ask for.

    4. Celebrate Yourself

    Healthy relationships aren’t only about fixing problems—they’re about celebrating wins, big or small. Acknowledge your progress. Toast to the tiny victories. Write down three things you’re proud of each week.

    Celebration feeds joy, and joy deepens love.

    5. Practice Forgiveness

    No relationship is perfect, and neither are you. You’ll miss workouts, snap at people you love, procrastinate, or forget commitments. Instead of punishing yourself, practice forgiveness.

    A 10/10 relationship doesn’t mean you never mess up; it means you know how to repair and keep moving forward.

    Most importantly: how are you going to forgive others if you don’t even forgive yourself?

    6. Date Yourself

    Bring intention and fun into your own company. Take yourself out for coffee. Cook a meal just for you. Spend a Saturday/Sunday/day off wandering without an agenda.

    The more you enjoy your own presence, the less you’ll seek external validation to fill the gaps.

    The Bottom Line

    Being in a 10/10 relationship with yourself isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present, honest, compassionate, and committed.

    When you show up for yourself the way you’d want a dream partner to, something shifts: every other relationship gets better, too.

    Because when you’re rooted in love with yourself, you stop demanding that others fill the spaces only you can fill.

    And that’s where real freedom begins.

  • What If You Don’t Have to Go “All In”?

    We’ve all heard the mantra: “Go big or go home.” Hustle culture, fitness challenges, and even wellness trends often tell us that the only way to see results is to commit 100%, no excuses. But here’s a radical thought:

    What if you don’t have to go all in?
    What if doing a little bit, every day, actually is enough?

    What Does “All In” Even Mean?

    When people say they’re going “all in,” it usually looks like:

    • Working out intensely six days a week.
    • Cutting out sugar, alcohol, caffeine, or carbs completely.
    • Meditating for 30 minutes twice a day.
    • Reading three self-development books a month.

    It’s the image of perfection—where consistency equals intensity, and progress equals sacrifice. But here’s the problem: life rarely makes space for “all in.” Schedules shift, moods dip, kids get sick, work deadlines explode. The “all in” mindset often sets us up to feel like failures the moment real life interrupts.

    Why Small Steps Count

    Science and psychology tell us something different: small, repeatable actions compound into real change.

    • In fitness: A 10-minute walk every day improves heart health and mood.
    • In mindfulness: Even 5 minutes of deep breathing lowers cortisol (stress hormone) levels.
    • In relationships: A single kind text to a loved one builds connection.
    • In productivity: Tackling one focused task moves projects forward more reliably than chasing an unrealistic all-day sprint.

    Little habits, consistently applied, wire into routines and reshape who we are. The key isn’t “all in.” It’s “always in, just a little.”

    What “Enough” Really Looks Like

    Enough isn’t about hitting a finish line—it’s about building a rhythm that sustains you. For example:

    • Self-care doesn’t have to be spa days. It can be putting your phone down for 15 minutes and sitting in silence.
    • Exercise doesn’t have to be a full sweat session. It can be stretching before bed.
    • Healthy eating doesn’t have to be an overhaul. It can be adding one more serving of vegetables today.

    Imagine how much lighter life feels when “enough” is realistic and doable.

    The Permission Slip

    So, here it is: permission not to go all in.

    • You’re not less committed for choosing balance.
    • You’re not “slacking” if you only do five minutes.
    • You’re not failing if progress is slow and steady.

    What if the real self-care is trusting that your small efforts, over time, will carry you further than any crash course of intensity?

    Because maybe the secret isn’t in doing it all.

    Maybe it’s in doing it always, but gently.

  • The Inside Work: 8 Mindset Shifts That Ended My Self-Abandonment

    This is for you if you’re tired of betraying your own needs, ignoring your own voice, and staying small to stay safe.

    I want to walk you through the 8 mindset shifts that helped me stop abandoning myself — and start living with self-respect, inner loyalty, and peace.

    🔁 SHIFT 1: “Performing is not love.”

    I used to think I had to earn everything — care, attention, even being heard.

    But performing isn’t connection.
    Pleasing isn’t bonding.
    Performing is a survival strategy — not a self.

    I began to whisper to myself: I don’t need to perform to belong. I am enough, even still.

    🪞 SHIFT 2: “Self-respect > self-improvement.”

    We live in a world that wants to fix us.
    Constant improvement. Constant becoming.

    But self-respect is more radical than self-help.
    I started asking: What if I don’t need to upgrade — what if I need to honor?

    I stopped chasing perfection and started practicing presence.
    And it changed everything.

    🚫 SHIFT 3: “Boundaries are not mean.”

    I used to think setting a boundary would make me difficult, selfish, or cold.

    But abandoning myself to keep peace only created resentment — and exhaustion.

    Now I believe: A boundary is an act of clarity, not cruelty.

    If someone leaves because I’m clear, they were never safe to begin with.

    🌬 SHIFT 4: “Rest is not optional.”

    When I was burnt out, I used to push through — thinking rest was something I had to earn.

    Now I know: Rest is the foundation. Not the reward.

    If I wait until I’m “done” to rest… I never will.

    Now, rest comes first.
    Because I come first.

    🧭 SHIFT 5: “I am the source.”

    No one else can give me permission to matter.
    No one else can validate me enough to heal the ache.

    I had to stop outsourcing my sense of worth.

    Now I tell myself: I am the source. Of peace. Of power. Of enough-ness.

    Support is beautiful. But I stopped waiting for someone to rescue me from my own self-abandonment.

    🧊 SHIFT 6: “Numb isn’t failure — it’s protection.”

    There were days I couldn’t feel joy, love, or hope. I thought something was wrong with me.

    But numbness isn’t the absence of feeling — it’s the overflow.
    It’s your nervous system saying: This is too much right now.

    Instead of shaming it, I began listening.
    And slowly, my body trusted me again.

    🔥 SHIFT 7: “I can be messy and still matter.”

    I thought I had to heal perfectly.
    Be lovable and wise and untriggered.

    But the truth is: I’m still lovable when I’m raw. Still worthy when I’m angry. Still enough when I’m grieving.

    Now I tell myself: My humanity is not a liability. It’s my power.

    💌 SHIFT 8: “I don’t have to prove my pain to be believed.”

    I used to over-explain my wounds.
    Tell every detail. Try to get people to understand.

    But I’ve learned: I don’t owe anyone a performance of my pain in order to deserve care.

    My story is sacred.
    And I choose who gets to hear it — and who doesn’t.

    These 8 shifts didn’t happen overnight.
    They came from heartbreak, healing, and finally choosing myself — over and over again.

    But if you heard something in here that felt like home — even for a moment —
    know this:

    You are allowed to stop abandoning yourself now.
    You are allowed to build a life around inner loyalty.
    You are allowed to begin again.


    The inner work continues.

  • Calmness attracts what You’re chasing

    The next time you find someone attractive – focus on what really makes them attractive to you.

    • Movie villains
    • Cats and other predators
    • “Real life” concensus reality people
    • Some coach chilling out in Bali with their alleged 6-7 figure a month income

    What do they all have in common? (Or at the least: they look as if they do?)

    Calmness.

    Being calm and relaxed isn’t “lazy,” “unserious,” or “unrealistic.”
    It’s magnetic.

    The online world glorifies grinding, urgency, and fear-based productivity.

    DO DO DO – MAKE MAKE MAKE – DECIDE NOW !!!! – so you can get… where exactly?… To some hypothetical state where everything is going to be “okay” for 5 seconds.

    But when it comes to attracting what you truly want — money, health, happiness, freedom, good work, good clients, aligned opportunities, or healing relationships —

    Urgency repels.
    Calm receives.

    Here’s why.

    1. Your nervous system is the gatekeeper of your reality.

    You don’t manifest with your thoughts alone.
    You magnetize with your state — your nervous system tone.

    If you’re constantly tense, doubting, or chasing from a place of “lack,” your whole body signals:

    “I’m not ready. I don’t trust. I’m not safe yet.”

    Calmness, on the other hand, tells your system:

    “It’s already happening. I’m grounded. I can hold what I asked for.”

    And the world — opportunities, money, people — responds to that regulation like bees to nectar.


    2. When you’re relaxed, you make clearer decisions.

    Calm people aren’t passive.
    They’re precise.

    They don’t WASTE ENERGY fidgeting around all day.

    They do the one thing that matters. Calmly.

    The one thing that moves the needle.

    And then they f’ing relax.

    A regulated state helps you:

    • Notice what’s aligned and what’s fake
    • Say no to shiny traps
    • Speak with clarity (not convincing energy)
    • Spot synchronicities you’d miss when stressed

    This is why people often say “things just started clicking” when they stopped obsessing.

    They could finally see.


    3. Calmness is coherence. And coherence creates trust.

    People don’t hire you, date you, or follow you because you’re “perfect.”
    They trust what your energy says.

    If your words say: “I’m confident!”
    but your body is screaming “I’m desperate!” —
    they feel the static.

    When you genuinely feel satisfied, trusting, open,
    people sense it. And they want to be near it. Buy from it. Be part of it.

    Calm people draw clients. Calm people get chosen.
    Not because they fake it — but because they believe the outcome is already on its way

    Or: they have experienced the positive outcome SO MANY TIMES that it’s normal to them. What’s out of reach for you and over the top ideal and a dream life fantasy – may be completely NORMAL to another person. (This is where we want to get to.)


    4. You become who you need to be before the goal arrives.

    Here’s the secret:

    You’re not waiting to receive the goal.

    You’re not struggling and chasing and changing yourself so you can FINALLY be good enough..?!?!?!! Hopefully!!!!
    😱

    You’re becoming the version of yourself who already has it.
    😌

    You’re BEING the person now.
    You’re already FEELING the way that person feels.

    That version of you?

    • Isn’t frantic.
    • Doesn’t panic over every dry spell.
    • Doesn’t chase breadcrumbs.

    They create.

    They rest.

    They prepare room for what’s coming.

    So if you want to attract something new — money, support, clients, love —
    ask:

    What would the version of me who already has this feel like today?

    And start feeling that. Even for 5 minutes. Even if it’s awkward at first.

    5. Relaxation = Receptivity. And receptivity is power.

    This isn’t about “letting the universe do all the work.”
    This is about being open enough to let it reach you.

    When you’re clenched in fear or proving mode, nothing can land.
    When you’re relaxed, grounded, and open-hearted?

    Opportunities feel safe to approach you.

    Because you’re already behaving like someone who knows:

    “What’s mine is coming.
    What’s not will pass.
    I don’t need to force anything real.”

    🌿 How to apply this in real life

    Don’t just visualize the life you want.
    Embody the feeling of already living it.

    That’s not delusion.

    That’s energetic alignment.

    It’s not about lying to yourself — it’s about creating an inner environment that’s fertile for what you asked for.

    So the next time you want to force something to happen…
    Pause.
    Breathe.
    And ask:

    If it were already done — how would I feel today?

    Start there.
    That’s where the attraction begins.

    And most of all. (!)

    Very important:

    Once you align your energy and your emotions with the place where you want to be: you won’t feel so NEEDY about your goal anymore.

    You will be able to detach and make sensible, calm decisions that are
    AGAIN

    aligned with your goal.

    And the more you are in a state of alignment with your goal, the more you will be an energetic MATCH for your goal.

    Bottom line: you attract what you are. Not what you want.

    How does this work in relationships?

    Short answer: You date your level of self-esteem.

    This is why I’ve decided to become a self-esteem coach. This is simply the one thing that we need to work on every day in order to live a happy life because it influences EVERYTHING else.

    • your relationships
    • your food choices
    • whether and if you work out
    • the goals and dreams you pursue
    • how you spend every single second of your life every day !

    = The way you see yourself and the way you feel about yourself decides your entire life.

    If you have a low level of self-esteem, you may still not feel OKAY with people who treat you like crap.

    BUT they will feel NORMAL to you. Like “home”. Like how your parents treated you, saw you or themselves.

    The better your self-esteem becomes, the less you will be able to tolerate people who treat you like crap.

    Example on how people get the law of attraction wrong:

    I recently went to a “support” group for adult children of narcissists – I had been going to this group for years – and one person said: “If you’re a bad person, you will date bad people. If you’re a child-emotionally-, you will only attract predators and nothing else.”

    I say this is factually WRONG, shaming and an abusive comment.

    This is NOT support, especially not for people who grew up in neglectful and abusive environments.

    I left the self-help group after the second time this happened, mostly because the conductor did nothing to counter those shitty comments from a person who obviously has narc fleas. IMO they should have removed that person, but it’s not my job to decide that, so I left.

    BTW: I don’t tolerate unsafe places or people because that’s not aligned with my level of self-esteem anymore. That doesn’t mean I am ALWAYS safe now. That would be unrealistic.

    It does mean: I don’t expose myself to toxic people and environments anymore – if I can avoid it.

    I don’t blame myself anymore when another person f’s up.

    I used to be an expert on how to blame myself for everything.

    Not anymore. I am unlearning that.

    Bottom line?

    ❤️ Love

    You attract, date and tolerate your current level of self-esteem. Period.
    Dating a bad person doesn’t make you a bad person
    — it just shows where your belief in HOW LOVEABLE YOU ARE needs repair.

    💰 Money

    You attract, earn, and allow the amount of money that matches your current level of self-worth.
    Having financial struggles doesn’t make you worthless
    — it just shows where your belief in what you deserve needs repair.

    🤝 Friendships

    You accept, chase, or keep the friendships that reflect how safe and valuable (or unsafe and worthless) you feel inside.
    Being surrounded by draining or one-sided connections doesn’t mean you’re broken
    — it means your boundaries haven’t been taught to guard your worth yet.

    🌠 Dreams & Goals

    You pursue or abandon your dreams based on how worthy you believe you are of fulfillment.
    If you self-sabotage or procrastinate, it’s not laziness
    — it’s unhealed doubt whispering “not for you.”

    Healing your esteem brings your vision back to life!

    What can you do RIGHT NOW

    to become the person that magnetizes a life that reflects a high level of self-esteem?

    1. Take a nap. Sleep for at least 8 hours a night.
    2. Drink more water and eat better. Have enough plant-based protein. Take a high-quality supplement. Take a little bit of extra Vitamin C each day + drink a little more water + have some high-quality magnesium. Big difference.
    3. Move your body to feel joy, not to look good. (Dance to your favorite music or take a walk listening to your fav audio book/podcast.)
    4. Clean up your self-talk.
    5. Replace “Why would anyone pay/love/choose me?” with “Why wouldn’t they?” (Also: Being single is totally excellent. Nothing wrong with that. More time for yourself. Less concensus. More self-aligned action. I love being single.)
    6. Get specific about what you want. Do only that. Forget the rest.
    7. Clarity magnetizes. Vagueness repels.
    8. Speak and move slower.
    9. Embodied confidence signals “I trust myself.”
    10. Raise your minimum standards.
    11. Stop tolerating what drains or confuses you.
    12. Start finishing things.
    13. Completing builds identity — “I’m someone who shows up.”
    14. Mirror the energy you want to receive.
    15. Give the respect, attention, and care you’re asking for.
    16. Declutter what’s outdated.
    17. Say no, unfollow, unsubscribe — make space.
    18. Invest in yourself.
    19. Time, money, energy — your belief leads others to believe.
    20. Stay in environments that reflect your future, not your past.
    21. If the room/job/guy/girl/situation shrinks you, leave it.
      – EVOLUTION MEANS GROWTH.
    22. Act like it’s already working.
      = THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES SELF-EMPLOYMENT WORK.
      This is not about lying to yourself and others.
      This is believing in yourself enough so that you actually DO the work that matters, moves the needle, creates your dream job, creates your dream life, makes the money, makes you free.
      No belief? No results.
    23. Behave like someone who already has momentum — it builds momentum.

    NOW YOU.
    The future’s listening. Live like you mean it. 😌